Tales of the Parodyverse

CONTINUING SAGA OF JOEY Z!! (with special pics of author's notes!!)


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Spaztic Chyld
Thu May 29, 2003 at 02:33:57 am EST
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Agents Dit and Toh rush to the command tower of Area 15’s airstrip to observe a quite unusual occurrence. From the north, a huge cloud is forming rather quickly. Lightning bolts fire from the body of the cloud and knock out the base’s security fence power unit. The two brothers look to each other and grin. This is what they were hoping for.

“Is there anything…”

“… on radar?” The two ask in their usual eerie manner.

“No sir.” The tower control man says. “The lightning is disrupting our equipment. Even that scanner from project 3-X.V. can’t make out what may or may not be in that cloud.” He finishes, shaking his head.

A general enters the room in a hurry. “Someone tell me what that is! I want to know yesterday people!!” He commands, and everyone continues to try his or her best. “What are you two doing here?!” He asks really upset. “I thought I told you two to quit bumbling and get on to more serious work, like the Lake Nessie Monster!”

“Sir…” begins Dit.

“… we are sure you will find…”

“…what is in that cloud to be…”

“… of greater importance.” Toh finishes their chiming sentence.

“This had better be good, or you will both be looking for jobs!”

“We are certain…” Dit begins.

“…that you will find this…” continues Toh.

“…worth the military’s time.”

“Like I said, it had better be! Or this is the last time you will see the inside of a military facility anywhere on this planet!!” The General turns to look at the cloud, which has now covered the sky above the base, and shakes his head as he wonders about the people they let into today’s secret agencies. A thick ground fog sweeps in and covers the airfield. The General looks on and barks out orders to increase security and get him an espresso. While he is in the middle of ordering his espresso, Agents Dit and Toh slip off unnoticed.


Up in the cloud above the base…

“What did you call this thing again?” Suzy asks rather curiously, as she looks over Joey’s shoulder from a captain’s chair behind him. Joey is at the control panel of a spiky-looking ship. It is a rather small craft, but one with many uses. There are only two chairs on it; one behind the pilot’s standing space and the other is below the control module. (The one below is for the rescued party and is fully reclining for their comfort.) It has eight large spikes sticking out from various locations, which are responsible for disruption of scanning devices, weather control, and keeping the ship in the air.

“It’s an NARU! Joey yells over a clap of thunder. “Naicluvian Atmospherical Rescue Unit!”

“It is rather fun to ride in, don’t you think?” The curios droid comments aloud.

Grinning, Joey agrees. “Yeah… she sure is!” Looking down at the monitor, Joey sees a blip on the screen representing Dr. Jechyde. “Looks like the DNA scanner is working! Good thing he is always plucking that one hairy eyebrow or we’d have never been able to find him.” The fog on the ground covers their landing. After they touch down, Joey has Suzy take the NARU skyward again until he calls for her.

Joey puts on an ocular lense that is linked with the NARU’s scanner. Using it, he finds the doorway to the building where the Dr. is being held. “If only I had a Naicluvian Vordong* and some Instant Armor Caplets.” He says a little nervous about what’s behind the door. Just then, a small glint catches his attention. On the ground is just what he had asked for. “I’ve got to watch what I ask for!” He says popping a few pills from the silver striped vile and picking up the gun-looking device.


Note on Instant Armor Caplets:

These small pills produce a shield of energy around the being that ingests them. They are extremely effective against all projectile weapons, and not so bad on most energy weapons. They were originally created to replace the seat belt. CAUTION: may have odd effect on most primitive species.

*For the Naicluvian Vordong, see pics


Joey sneaks into the bunker and sees a guard at the door to where the Dr. is being held. He walks right up to them and smiles. “Hi… you look tired!”

“What are you doin in here little boy?” one of them manages to say before Joey pulls out the Vordong. VORDONG is the last thing they hear.

Joey takes their keys and opens the door. Dr. Jechyde doesn’t seem too happy when he sees who’s coming in. He tries to wave Joey away, but he comes in anyway. Just as he comes in, a dart stops inches from his face and hovers in mid air. Joey grabs it and tosses it to the ground. He turns to see Agents Dit and Toh hiding behind a big tarped something. He pulls out his Vordong and shoots them both with it. They fall to the ground unconscious and the Dr. looks on in awe.

Just then, the General comes barging through the door with four MP’s. Looking at Joey and at the two unconscious agents, he grins and says, “It’s about time someone did those two in!” The Dr. and Joey’s looks of perplexity gave room for the General’s explanation: “I’ve been trying to get rid of these two goofs for about a year now. I guess they have a few more favors than I do up high. But, now that they’re out of commission, we have no choice but to let them go! HA! HA! HA!”

“So, we can go?” Joey asks a little confused.

“Sure can.” The General says.

“Wait a minute…” Dr. Jechyde says, stepping forward. “Before we leave, can you just explain a few things? …Seeing as you’re probably aware of who we are and all.”

“Sure, why not? After all these two put you through, I think I can answer a few questions as compensation. What’s on your mind?” He asks, setting himself down on a stool at what looks to be a lab table.

“Why do you call this place ‘Area 15’? I’ve heard of Area 51…”

“That’s easy… This is the fifteenth extraterrestrial crash site found in the US. Area 51 is the fifty-first. Next…”

“What is that thing? As near as I can tell, it’s organic in nature. Is the government utilizing genetic engineering with alien technology to develop this stuff or what?”

Waling over to the tarped object, he pulls a rope and the tarp falls. Joey’s eyes bug out of his head! “Holy Crow!” He runs up and pets it as if it were his pet. It is sort of comet-like, with many pointy spires at what seems to be the tail end of the ship. There is a window at the smooth end, with what appears to be three cannons surrounding it.

“This is what crashed here… Looks like he knows what it is.” The General says, pointing to Joey. “Care to let us in? Is it a gunship, a scout, what?” He ends, pointing to three gun-looking objects protruding from smooth end.

Joey laughs, “You think this is a warship?! HA! HA! This is what is called a Sreglof II Sport. It’s a planet-hopper. It is only capable of flying so far before it needs to enter another atmosphere to recycle its fuel.” He pats one of the side cannon-like objects. “This is an exhaust port, making this the tail end of the ship.” Running up to the other end, he pats an indented, finned hole. “This is the intake.” Grinning from ear to ear, Joey says, “What you have here, is a classic, living spaceship. The reason it won’t open or operate for any of you is because your brains are not developed enough to actually work with it.”

“So…” the General begins. “…we can’t make it work if we wanted to.

“Nope!”

“And that makes us…?” Dr. Jechyde asks, inquisitively.

“That makes the government out one alien ship,” Joey says, rubbing a spot just in front of the exhaust port. As he does, a door opens. “…and leaves you all wondering about your mental prowess.” He grins, disappearing into the ship’s doorway.


Will the government really let Joey get away with this?! Will they really have any say? And what is the Dr. ‘s last question?


Find out next time… in THE CONTINUING SAGA OF JOEY Z.!!


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